Please don’t tell my boss, but I hit Netflix hard this week. Among the movies I saw were, Casino Royale, The Departed, The Good Shepherd and Wall-E. As different as these three movies are, they all seem to revolve around the same point—that you can’t trust anyone. Ever.

It’s clear that Hollywood is picking up on our general discomfort and disillusionment. And they’re running with it at a dead sprint.

So what does this have to do with us working stiffs? I’m going to propose a radical strategy. Something that is probably going to suggest to you that I’m either naïve or crazy. But probably more likely, both.

My suggestion is that we all need to start trusting people. Just by writing that sentence guarantees that I’m going to get a flood of emails from people who disagree. No, who really DIASGREE! The emails will outline in graphic detail stories of abuse, cruelty and general nastiness. How people used to trust others at work, but have learned the hard way that they can’t. And how it’s crazy to either forgive or forget.

I understand how hard it is to do what I’m suggesting. To trust again. Pardon me for going all “Oprah” on you, but if we allow ourselves to get painted into this cynical corner, we end up being the very enemy we decry. Because to others it will appear like we are isolated and only looking out for ourselves.

First a personal admission. I’ve been burned. Big time. And as I’m writing this blog many of the past burns are coming back to me. But I’ve decided that I’m going to try to rise above them. Because I don’t want that to define who I am. Or how I approach my life.

I’m not saying that we all should trust people who’ve already earned your trust. Or who haven’t yet violated you trust. I’m suggesting that we all reach out to people who we aren’t sure about. Heck, while you’re at it, to people who’ve burned you in the past. Offer them a hand of friendship. Give them a second chance to prove themselves worthy.

I can hear what you are thinking, why take this risk? Okay, now I’m going to get really touchy-feely. Pardon me. But the key reason that we should take this risk is because chances are that if we were in the shoes of the person that you don’t really trust, we’d want someone to give us a break. Right?

Sure some will disappoint you. Maybe even a majority. But think about the people who will come through in a way that you would have never expected them to. Think about how that will inspire you and introduce new possibilities in your career and in your life.

I’m willing to bet if you take my challenge, you’ll experience far more gains than losses from this experience. You’ll have renewed faith in the human spirit. Either way I’d like to hear your thoughts. Are you willing to take me up on my challenge? And if you do, what happened.

About the Author: Bob Rosner is a best-selling author and award-winning journalist. For free job and work advice, check out the award-winning workplace911.com. If you have a question for Bob, contact him via bob@workplace911.com.

Last week, I was watching George Carlin on HBO. I started thinking about his famous list of the seven things you can’t say on television. So this week I’m going to present the Workplace911 variation on Carlin’s list — a list of five taboo words for today’s workplace. 

The first taboo in today’s workplace is the word “felony.” Corporations don’t like prison records. However, ex-offenders don’t need to worry too much, because this will change for two reasons. First, the dramatic increase of executives who visit the big house. If these guys keep getting arrested, every head honcho is going to have a rap sheet, and they have to work somewhere.

OK, Martha Stewart hasn’t gone out and hired a bunch of her former prison bunk mates to work at her company. But she has been speaking out about ex-offenders as potential contributors to society. And over time this will have an impact. That leads to the second reason why some of the sting may come out of the word felony at work. Though there are 44 million Gen-Xers in the workforce, they are greatly outnumbered by the 76 million baby boomers who will start planning for retirement in the next couple of decades. We’ll have to run our economy while millions of workers worry more about weekends and Winnebagos than their work. Something’s got to give, and the modern workforce is going to have to get creative to find new workers. I predict that with more than two million incarcerated in the U.S. and a dwindling supply of workers, ex-offenders will become more common around the office.

The second taboo at work is not a word but an acronym: “TMI” — too much information. This can apply to all manner of information, but of particular note is the often uncomfortable revealing of personal medical situations. People don’t want to hear about your medical challenges, your itchy rash, your surgery or your prostate, etc. Yes, the practice of avoiding running your mouth and disclosing TMI rules at work today.  Find a therapist, a mate or a relative who really cares about the medical details of your life. But don’t share it with your coworkers, because hearing about those things makes them uneasy and can make work an uncomfortable place to be.

The third taboo at work revolves around the word “relationships.” Don’t go there. People don’t want to hear about your marital or relationship problems. Through the years I can’t believe how many people have shared intimate information about their relationships with me. Call me a prude, but I think pillow talk should be reserved for conversations that actually take place over pillows.

The fourth taboo is the word “why.” As in “Why did you…” “Why do we…” Most corporations don’t take kindly to being asked this simple question. Sure, there are bosses who can handle it. I just think that they are rarer than most people think. Sometimes it’s better to just bite your tongue and forge ahead with an assignment, even if you’re not totally sure about the outcome. People who constantly question the worth of a project or a boss’s decision often get tagged as malcontents. So be careful when you drag out the “W” word.

And finally, the fifth taboo — “bravado.” 

Most of us learn at a very early age that we are never to show weakness or vulnerability at work. Bravado is the way; do what you can and fake what you can’t. I personally believe that the lack of vulnerability weakens organizations because it prevents real connection and real interactions between people.

If I had a magic wand I’d hope that we could all do a much better job of being more vulnerable at work. Sure it’s tough, but isn’t it time that we all brought a bit more humanity to our jobs? And what better way is there to do this than being genuine and vulnerable with the people we work with? So stash that bravado and learn to show a softer side — it will humanize you in the eyes of your coworkers and probably encourage them to do the same.

My five taboo words at work — felony, TMI, relationships, why and bravado. I’d love to hear yours.

Bob Rosner is a best-selling author and award-winning journalist. For free job and work advice, check out the award-winning workplace911.com. If you have a question for Bob, contact him via bob@workplace911.com.

I’ve seen a lot of articles about trying to work with jerks. Heck, I’ve even written a couple of ‘em. But I’ve not seen many articles that talk about how to deal with a jerk who you know intimately—yourself. What can you do if you are the jerk?

This is probably the most embarrassing missive I’ve ever written. I’m not a total buffoon and I’m certainly not trying to turn you against me. But I did recently come to the realization that I’ve had a self-sabotage streak that has made me act like more of a jerk than I’d like to admit.

My point is not to make excuses for my behavior, to gain your sympathy or to get on the Dr. Phil Show. No, the purpose of this blog is to own up to my jerkiness so that maybe a few of you out there might cop to some of yours. And to help you gain new insight on the next jerk that you run into at work.

My jerkiness has a clear starting point. I was twelve and driving in the car with my mom. I can even remember the exact location, it was in the median on Route 23 in Pompton Plains, NJ. My mom was telling stories and I remember that my stomach hurt from laughing.

Suddenly a wave of anxiety came over me. Don’t get too happy, because she’ll turn on you. My mom had the ability to go from jovial to attack mode faster than Lindsay Lohan can rack up driving violations. So I learned to not let my defenses down when I was with her.

Okay, I can see what you are thinking. This isn’t an exploration of my jerkiness, it is a blame-your-mom game. No, my mom plays a relatively minor role in this drama.

The point is that I used my mom’s hot and cold running personality to not get too close to anyone, lest they would be in a position where they could hurt me. And I took this challenge on with gusto. I never allowed myself to get too close in relationships, at work, with groups, with family. I always kept a distance.

Looking back, at least I tried to keep a distance. I wasn’t always able to do this. So there were plenty of times when someone or some group would start to embrace me. To make me feel a part of something. And what I only recently realized is that it was at this point that I could try to sabotage the relationship. By not doing something that I said I do. Or by a cutting remark. Or worse.

Sure I knew that I seemed to have a problem making attachments with people and groups. But I never realized that it was because I was scared of being hurt. In fact, I always thought that I was the strong one.

How did I break out of this cycle? I finally met someone who embraced me no matter how jerky my behavior. I’m not saying that she was all warm and squishy, no this was definitely tough love. But she pushed back against my behavior and this helped me see how my finger prints were all over most of the destroyed relationships of my past.

If you find yourself getting isolated at work or thinking that you are the only sane one out there, take a hard look in the mirror. You might find that the problem isn’t them. It is you.

And what if you are working with a jerk? Some jerks are so talented at pushing people away that it is impossible to reach them. So I understand the “ten foot pole” approach, as in here is the ten foot pole you want to put between you and them. But when you come across that jerk who has shown you a small bit of vulnerability, you might want to consider not pulling away. Hanging in there with support and respect. It’s tough, but I’m sure glad that someone did that for me.

About the Author: Bob Rosner is a best-selling author and award-winning journalist. For free job and work advice, check out the award-winning workplace911.com. If you have a question for Bob, contact him via bob@workplace911.com.

Having personally responded to over 50,000 emails from workers and bosses, as you can imagine, I’ve received screenfuls of emails about awful workplaces—or should that be screamfuls of emails?
 
A few examples from my inbox—there was the guy who got a daily soaking trying to spray clean dumpsters with a pressure washer, the woman who had to work next to the guy who would have loud, long conversations with his wife totally in baby talk, the guy who had to inventory used underwear after fashion shows, the guy who wrote to me that he just goes to work hoping that he’ll come home with all of his body parts intact and the woman who worked for a boss who asked his assistant to type her own termination letter.
 
Ouch!
 
Woody Allen once said that life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. And I think this is also applies to work. For every horrible, outrageous, over-the-top and borderline cruel workplace like the ones above, there are millions more that are miserable. Note I didn’t say “merely” miserable, because I believe that miserable workplaces have a way of building up in your system, like mercury in a fish. Over time this buildup can be just as toxic.
 
Still not seeing the distinction here? I like to think of horrible as a meteor that crashes to earth destroying everything in its path. Miserable? That is the pebble in our shoe that most of us must walk around in day after day after day. After being miserable for twenty years, admit it, there are times where you wish that meteor would strike, if for no other reason than to put you out of your misery.
 
Examples of miserable at work would include the boss who is always looking over your shoulder and second guessing everything that you do. The coworker who always manages to go AWOL so that you have to answer the phone or cover their work just when you are facing your own big deadline. The customer, who even after they’ve bought your product, is still pushing you for a discount or some swag. The accounting department that rejects your expense reimbursement requests on average three times. The coworker who is an expert on all parts of your job but dumber than a rock about doing his. The company that announces that it will be laying off thousands of workers, but not saying who for another six months. You get the drift, heck, you have your own stories of misery and woe at work.
 
So how do we survive? I’ve developed a simple litmus test. Are the problems that you’re facing the “right” kind of problems or the “wrong” kind of problems? Sorting out that distinction, to me, is the key to a satisfying career.
 
At least a couple of you out there are asking, why all the focus on problems? “Sure, work has it’s downside, but it also has a lot of virtues too.” And to that line of reasoning I would say, sure, life is good when you have a parking spot right next to the building, an expense account, a fancy title and a corner office. Yes, work can have its privileges. But for the overwhelming majority of us, work is a minefield of problems.
 
What are the “wrong” kind of problems? Demeaning bosses, unsafe working conditions, crying on a regular basis, getting lied to—yes, when people write to me describing any of these circumstances, I always say the same thing, start networking and cleaning up your resume.
 
The right kind of problems? Being frustrated because your bold new idea isn’t quite ready for prime time. Having to scramble each day because you are always learning and adapting to new situations. Feeling the weight of the responsibility and authority that your boss has entrusted in your hands.
 
If I had a magic wand I would put everyone in a position where they had the right kind of problems and a nurturing workplace community that would provide support during the search for solutions. But since I don’t have a magic wand, it’s up to you to escape the horrible and the miserable in search of the right stuff. Good luck in your journey.

About the Author: Bob Rosner is a best-selling author and award-winning journalist. For free job and work advice, check out the award-winning workplace911.com. If you have a question for Bob, contact him via bob@workplace911.com.

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